I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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