Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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