I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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