dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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