I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
And then he peed in my hair
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