We got so high we made milksteak
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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