We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
