When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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