This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
