My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
my being single is dangerous.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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