Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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