I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
