I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
