it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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