I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
