Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
