mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
