im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
PANTIES FOUND
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize