Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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