Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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