I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
