I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
