But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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