May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
