i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Randomize