just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
