dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
