Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
