i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
