During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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