cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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