You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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