considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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