also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My vagina just recognized that song.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
