my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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