His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
