Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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