with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
