Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
