you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
