There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
