We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
