i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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