And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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