It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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