I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
