I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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