i was born a porn star she said
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
