This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
