You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
