The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
no, he came in my armpit
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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