Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize