Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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