i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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