My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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