This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
