Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
