Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
