I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
