What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
