A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
