Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
