who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
