If i come over, it means nothing
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
