you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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