Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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