Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize