In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
