i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
