I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
