She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
