New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
