Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
