i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
