it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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