Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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