The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
