I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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