Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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