nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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